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So this is where I'm at with this... I was wanting to do some really crazy design work for the background but I might be rethinking that idea... I'm not sure I want to sink a too many more hours into this. I've decided to work on other things until I figure out what to do with the background.

So I worked on this one since it's something I started awhile ago and never finished, even though it was so close to being done. I still feel like something is missing from it. But I'll finish it up later today and post the WIP's.

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In other news...

Since I don't have any illustration work to do for my contract job atm.... I really need to take the time to update my portfolio. The job hunt has not been going well....the probability of my parent's house (where I still live) being sold looms closer....and if I tried to move out at this point I financially wouldn't last a month.

So I need a job (full time/part time/temp)....but I don't think I can mentally handle working another customer service job....and other than applying to various studios, etc (that haven't amounted to much).... I'm not very good at brain storming work opportunities that don't involve being a cashier or a server at some place. I'm a very hard worker, but it's frustrating and upsetting to do a job that I can't use my skills in. I just end up flailing in the wind looking like a fool. Unfortunately saying all this has me coming off as sounding whiny and entitled (I should just shut up. Find any job. And do it.). Which is why I usually don't say anything. I just send my resumes off quietly.... have a couple of slightly hopeful conversations with various HR from different places which amount to "your work is very good, but try your luck next time"....."position is filled"..."maybe try somewhere in the states?".....etc. I feel like an idiot not having a job/not finding a job I can support myself with. I'm probably just not looking or working hard enough...

At least I've become very good at writing cover letters, resumes, and other formal documents. I've learned more about presenting myself professionally, building a network, and building a portfolio on my own (and through friends) then I ever did in school. And I know I need to work on my portfolio; I can do better and show more variety. I almost feel like I need to go back to school to learn more so I can apply to other positions...but I don't have the money for that and there is no guarantee it would help me either.

My nerves are just shot from all the uncertainty...the stress...the depression....those times when everything looked like it was going to be better only to suddenly take a nose dive a moment later...I guess that's life.

Sorry for the rant.

Anyways, I've also been thinking about animating again. I have more ideas for possible short films, but my projects are limited to what my current computer can handle. It handles photoshop fairly well, but other programs are touch and go depending on how complex/large the project. But I'm going to see how far I can get with what I have. I just have to get around to doing it.

** I may read this back to myself later, realize it sounds stupid, and delete it. So read it while it's still here.